Im not sure what is it but it feels pathetic

a dormant volcano and I live in its crater

I must live so lightly, so fearfully, so safely so as to not wake it

It had told me it is a volcano

That if I wake it my flesh with burn

My house will be flooded with lava

My crops will die

My metal will melt

All will be lost if I wake it

I know its a volcano

If it isn’t then how could it create so much fear in me

The mere thought of stepping out of line 

Floods my brain with lava

Lava I’ve never touched or felt

A threat I’ve never experienced

But I live in constant fear of it

It had told me its a volcano

So why would it lie?

This is to protect me 

It feels pathetic to challenge it 

Because I live in its crate

This dormant volcano

It is a losing game for me

I’ve never seen it explode

The lava it speaks of I’ve never seen

The shame, guilt, disownment, public mockery, unacceptance, loneliness 

It threatens me with

It scares me

The embarrassment, looking pathetic

Trying to be something that I am not

What will happen if I don’t take care?

Take care not to try being something that I am not?

Stepping out of line?

Well it had told me its a volcano

And I live in the crate

So it will burn me when it explodes

After all

Why would it lie?

I built it myself

This volcano

After many many years of hard work

I’m sure I’d remember what I was building!

I built it to protect me!

Protect me from what happened or what could happen

Protect me from who I am or what I could become

From disillusionment from public shaming

From embarrassment in front of myself

The crate — if left unbothered - is a perfectly safe environment to be

Sure the threat of sudden death is a bit uncomfortable

And it may sometimes feels claustrophobic and lonely

Sure it may also feel a bit shameful and embarrassing

But it is much more little than what hides in the volcano

Yes I stepped out of line before

A long time ago

Several times

And the volcano didn’t erupt

But this was a last chance

Next time it will

I built it myself

This volcano

After many many years of hard work

I’m sure I’d remember what I was building!

This threat is real

My house will flood with lava

My flesh will burn

I will be burned at the stake of society

And so I will stay safe in my crate

I will stay safe from shame, embarrassment, public humiliation

Trying to be something I’m not

Even trying to be something I am

I will stay safe in the crate of my volcano

Until I am on my death bed

And then I will admit

I built it myself

This ‘volcano’

After many many years of hard work

I’m sure I’d remember what I was building

And I remember

It was always just meant to be a mountain